Stay Out

Well hello again, fancy meeting you here. Today’s post is going to be another ranting & raving little vent session. Sometimes I feel like venting or being overwhelmed by life might get a little old, but plenty of people talk to me about feeling the exact same way so you know what I’m just going to go with it.

So for today’s little rant, I want to talk about unsolicited advice. Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern of people trying to tell me what’s best for myself or my life. For those who know me personally, I am a very independent person and I don’t even like asking for help really.

I feel like, as least from what I have experienced recently, the help or “advice” I’ve been given hasn’t been given to me in the actual effort of trying to help me. It’s come across to me in a very privileged tone and it makes me really angry.

A lot of this is coming from random customers I’ve had. You know when you have a job like being a barista, you come across a bunch of people and you’ll always make small talk while they’re waiting for their order.

And they might ask you how life is going to which you’ll innocently reply with a summarized version of what’s been going on in your life lately. Some people actually care, others don’t, which is fine. After all, it’s meant to be small talk so why would it matter?

But this passiveness has become so unsettling. I had a customer the other day ask me about my schedule, in which I told her I worked full time. She responded in awe saying how that must be a lot to take on while also going to school. I told her that I was not currently going to school, just working to save up some money.

Maybe the next part was my own mistake, who knows, but I told her how my boyfriend was pursuing mechanical engineering and that he’d be in school full time so I was going to work full time in the mean time in order to support us.

She then gave me a pitiful look, saying that “I shouldn’t put my life on hold for any guy, he isn’t even worth it.”

Naturally, I had some feelings about this statement. I tried to take it with a grain of salt, considering this lady didn’t know me, my situation, let alone my name. I understand everyone is going to have different opinions, but people need to respect their boundaries.

I don’t feel the need to defend myself, but I am motivated and driven to do what it takes to support my family. There has been multiple times Kolani and I have sat down and talked about our future, especially considering his upcoming school schedule.

Engineering is not a light subject, it takes a lot of hard work, time, and patience. Going to school completely full time for the next three years is going to be a lot to take on for not just him but for both of us.

It might not seem completely fair, and I’m not sure why I’ve subconsciously put this type of pressure upon myself, but I just want to see how far I can push myself. I want to see all that I am capable of, and how much I can support myself as well as my little family.

So this isn’t a sacrifice, this is “what can I do to better support my family?”I am part of that family. Where is the sacrifice? You have to think too, what if the situation were reversed? Would this lady, or others, pity Kolani for supposedly putting his life on hold for me? No, they wouldn’t.

It’s a very interesting time in our lives’ to be presented with such freedom, then ultimately to be limited because of invalidated opinions, sexism, or the infliction of others personal beliefs onto you.

There’s plenty out there I see others doing that I don’t agree with but I don’t begin to lash out saying so. I keep to myself and tell myself that one’s particular life choices or lifestyle isn’t for me. Then I move on.

There’s no reason to dwell on it, or to point fingers and spew disapproval. Accept that it isn’t for you and move on, you don’t have to live with that person so why does it have to matter so damn much that people choose different things?

I’ve noticed that this post has become slightly explosive with anger, but I’m not sorry. When people sit there, assuming I’m just a girl waiting around for something magical to happen I’m flustered.

I am a woman who is capable of so many things. I am constantly working, whether it’s slinging coffee beans, working on videos or blog posts, or even working on self publishing a novel.

I am more than curled hair, or winged eyeliner, or pink lip gloss. I am unstoppable, I am fearless, I am brave.

Just because I’m not shoving my accomplishments down your throat does not mean that I am incapable or lazy.

Maybe small talk isn’t for me, or maybe people need to mind their own business. I don’t know, what do you think?