I Need to Vent..

For today’s post, I’m briefly breaking away from my usual travel posts to talk about something a little more serious. After experiencing a mild anxiety attack today, I thought it would be best for me to write it all out on here for you, since I also feel like recent events have affected my content.

Now, I don’t want to worry any of you, because I’m doing much better now. It was just one of those instances where life just becomes too demanding sometimes, which I’m sure we could all relate too. With this constant and recent overwhelming feeling, I have a hard time finding the motivation to blog. Even though my attack had to do with stress mainly pertaining to Kolani and what he’s going through, it still affects me just the same because we’re partners. Okay, so let’s talk about this:

First things first, Kolani accidentally broke his phone while we were in New Zealand. Even though it was under warranty, we were told it would cost a couple hundred dollars to fix. If you’re a frequent traveler, then I don’t have to tell you how badly broke you are when you’re finally getting home from a long trip. This is where the stress begins.

Secondly, there has been A LOT going on for Kolani as far as school goes. (I’ve decided to take this quarter off from school, so my transcripts from my previous college can be sent to my current school, where I’ll be able to meet with a counselor and take a look at what classes I have left to get my associates degree.) So after last quarter, Kolani technically has his associates degree in arts & sciences. I say technically, because this is where it gets tricky. There was some sort of miscommunication and Kolani was notified that he would not be getting financial aid. After he called around and talked to some people, he was able to get it sorted out. While he was doing all this though, he was informed that if he were to apply, “graduate”, and get his associates degree in arts & sciences (the physical copy), he would then lose any future financial aid for potential degrees. He originally wanted to get an associates degree in engineering before transferring to Washington State University, but this idea was soon tossed after he found out he would not be getting any financial aid.

Kolani decided to meet with a few WSU advisers and discuss his options for his potential transfer to the university; since he has an associates degree, he could technically apply. The main focus was that of the few prerequisites he has to take before he enters his main field of study, mechanical engineering. After he met with advisers, he felt better, but also stressed. He had so many options, but too many options to the point where he didn’t which would be best for him, or for us.

On top of all this, his part time job is hardly giving him any hours, which isn’t ideal for making ends meet. He hopped on his laptop and applied at dozens of places, hoping to hear back. The waiting game gets harder, since he doesn’t have a phone, how will he be able to get a call from potential employers? He’s not completely s.o.l, since he has an apple watch connected to cellular. Even then, the watch has been glitching and causing problems. Luckily, over the weekend Kolani received a call and scheduled an interview. We were over the moon. Rewind to last night, and now Kolani’s laptop is beginning to glitch on him as well, resulting in dead pixels on his display screen. He used my phone to call customer service and see what his options were to get his laptop fixed, since it’s still under warranty. The good news is that he’ll be able to get his laptop fixed for free, but the bad news is he’ll be without a laptop for a month-right at the beginning of the winter quarter. Now, we’re desperately trying to find alternative ways he can do school work while his laptop is being repaired.

Since his laptop is being repaired, this means the videos from our Christmas trip will be delayed as far as posting them on YouTube goes. All of our editing software and content is on his laptop. Although we’re backing up all of our content, we don’t have an alternative way to edit these videos in the mean time. I will do my best to cure the hunger for stunning travel vlogs with other videos and frequent blog posts.

After he got off the phone with customer service this morning, I had an anxiety attack and began to cry. As sad as it was, he was comforting me even though he’s the one having a tough time. I told him I wish I could help him in some way, but I can’t really. He remained optimistic and reassured me that everything was going to be alright. He has continued to make more calls throughout the day, to set up appointments to get everything sorted out.

It’s incredibly difficult to see life testing your significant other so much. It’s like they’re trapped inside this clear box, and you can see the hardships, but you can’t do anything to intervene. My feelings really just got the best of me today, I felt defeated, like I wasn’t a good partner.

But such is life, and I’m happy to have such a great balance and partnership with Kolani. We know how to pick each other up when it gets tough and I’m beyond grateful for that.

I really just wanted to get this off my chest, since it broke me today. I always feel better after I write it out. I was considering this post, and Kolani encouraged it. Hopefully, in the unfortunate event that someone else is going through the same thing, or if you feel like life is beating you down, just remember you’re not alone. Everyone goes through ups and downs all the time. Kolani jokingly admitted that 2019 wasn’t his year. But I don’t look it like that. If you want to turn your negative into a positive, try to have the mind set that if you truly believe you’ve hit rock bottom, you have nowhere to go but up.

That’s it for today’s blog post! Thanks for stopping by, don’t forget to sign up for email alerts to receive notifications on future posts!

This has been a chloscall. Until next time, Chloe.